:( those things arent your fault:(

It's hard. You didn't do those things, there happened or were done to you. That's the tough part to realize. You have to find the strength to fight back emotionally, to realize you're a good person, that there are things that you can't do anything about in your past, but you can change you future if you try.

You couldn't have stopped any of these things, just as I couldn't have stopped my mum dying from cancer. I feel guilt every day because I wasn't in control of things and I am a control freak when it comes to my life. Is that how you feel? That if things are beyond your control you lay the blame on yourself?

yes i feel that way all the time, if i where a better wife maybe he wouldnt have hurt me, if i would have left my husband, my baby would not have died, if i would have been a 100 percent better daughter maybe they wouldnt have abandoned me, and maybe if i was better my uncle wouldnt have sexualy abused me. evrything.

Try some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). You don't have to have a therapist to try it out, but it does work better with someone there to keep you on task.
Here's an example taken from Wikipedia that shows how CBT works:
Make a 3 column list of the following ...

"A - Activating Event or objective situation. The first column records the objective situation, that is, an event that ultimately leads to some type of high emotional response or negative dysfunctional thinking.
B - Beliefs. In the second column, the client writes down the negative thoughts that occurred to him or her.
C - Consequence. The third column is for the negative disturbed feelings and dysfunctional behaviors that ensued. The negative thoughts of the second column are seen as a connecting bridge between the situation and the distressing feelings. The third column C is next explained by describing emotions or negative thoughts that the client thinks are caused by A. These could be anger, sorrow, anxiety, etc.
For example, Gina is upset because she got a low mark on a math test. The Activating event, A, is that she failed her test. The Belief, B, is that she must have good grades or she is worthless. The Consequence, C, is that Gina feels depressed."

Now you'll want to focus on the Belief. This is where things need adjusting. For instance, what led you to believe you are not a good daughter or friend? What other conclusion might you draw from the same event say, if a friend told you about it happening to them?
You probably wouldn't say, "Oh. Well you're not a good daughter or friend."
Adjusting the belief for a different result is called "Reframing.'
I hope this helps you.

if i where a better friend i could have saved her from killing herself, i should have been the one to die.

hey its not your fault my friend. im always here for you.
i miss her too.x.x.xx

my father always said i was a dissapointment, he was right.

you are not a dissappoint ment hunny. you are my friend. please talk to me.x.xx.x my dad said the same to me. but he was and is full of crap.x.x.xx

my mother always said she wished shed never had me, the pain is jsut so bad, why was i even born.

im sorry for whinning so much, im being a baby.

to punish myself for failing in life.

Punishing yourself is in no way constructive. If you HONESTLY believe you have failed (and I want proof) then at 31 (same age as me) it is not too late to do something about it!

i failed my parents, husband, baby, friends

good night all.