i feel totally hopeless and worthless. i have 3 friends, one has a boyfriend so shes nonexistant, and the other two are always together and i feel left out. i dont think my friends like me as much as they like their other friends, and i know my friend with a boyfriend would much rather hang out with him. i know this because shes been with him over a year. i also just found out that i owe my parents a lot of money, which i can pay back, but i got so upset earlier today and then the suicidal thoughts started, which made me more upset. i never do anything but work and school, and my family really doesnt care about me that much. my current doctors that i have seemed to have stopped caring too, so im looking for new ones. and ive been on a million different meds which is frustrating cause i still get depressed on them. but i know if i was off the meds, id be dead probably. its like i have nothing to look forward to in life and no reason to be here. sorry if this is hard to understand
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