i always wondered why suicide rate goes up during holidays now i know why!!!! first time in years i have felt like this.when i first started having kids we never had much but was ok still felt like xmas then the kids grew up and we have 2 at home last 5 years have been great xmas'swas into it soooo much well we lost our home(we rented but was nice and rommie for a change)becuase we helped allllll our groown kids out of bad situations.now we live in a small trailer son has bedroom in my living room felling closed in sold my pretty big tree and got a 10 dollar one it is so ugly i guess when u dont have u dont miss when u do and lose it its depressing.wish i could go to sleep and wake up when its over!!! no family pics in front of the tree this year i am so unhappy after 25 years of working hard i lose everything to keep my kids from losing luv them yes but didnt know it was gonna be like this thought they would grow up and take care of thereselves so me and hubby could enjoy life alittle but noooooo..................i hate my life now!!!!!!!!!!!
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