I feel worse than I probably have in over a year. I just don't know who I am anymore. I look in the mirror and I see someone else. A shell, a visage, the great actor, the man in the mirror. Nobody even knows me anymore, as I hide how I really feel. I don't want to do anything anymore, I'm tired all the time (I sleep around 11-12 hours per day recently), and above all, I'm in love with someone who will never, ever have feelings for me, mostly because of my mental problems. I haven't been on a date in two years now, because I can never seem to come across as attractive to women, despite my intellect, relative purity, and musical talents. I feel as if I'm going through hell every day. I don't even want to wake up most days anymore. Nothing, not even music brings me relief anymore. The medicines only guise the sickness, and sometimes I feel like someone's missed the diagnosis here. If I were really depressed, SSRI meds should work, right? I've grown to hate myself as of late, because I can't even stir up the strength to talk to anyone about this. I already see how much people hate me in the first place, and if they knew the extent of my madness, they'd hate me even more. I only have a few good friends, and I freak out when I'm alone. I just don't know what's happening to me. Anyone else felt like this before? What's wrong with me, what am I missing? Will I always be like this? I know that's a ton of questions, but I'm on my last limb and I really don't want to be judged so I'd rather get some anonymous advice. I've been judged and hated and avoided enough.
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