I am 26 years old. Growing up my dad was an alcoholic and caused my family alot of greif. I always listened to my mom vent and always tried to tell my dad he was not a bad person. I would be the one to wake up in the middle of the night when my dad came home in a rage and he and mom were arguing. I felt like the adult. About 3 years ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my dad handled it by staying out till all hours drinking. Mom decided after 28 years of it she was out of there. She moved in with me. We have lived together ever since. She was releived and he was depressed. I still take care of my dad. I am there when he is having a depressed drunk night, and i am all he has. My mom got a part time job at a local bowling alley as a waitress and loves it. Problem is she doesnt make enough money to ever be on her own. She works evenings and does nothing during the day except complain that she is tired. She gets up for a couple hours, does nothing, has a nap, wakes up and goes to work. She wont go out unless she absolutely has to. She always has aches and pains and no money. My brother recently got divorced from his wife who my family and i are very close to. He is in so much financial debt that it will take a very long time to regain his credit. I have helped take over his finances to see if i can get him back on track. I had taken over my moms finances because she doesnt pay her bills. I ensure my brother pays his child support while i borrow him money all the time. He owes me 2100.00. I borrow my mom and dad money also. I am 30,000.00 in debt, yet always find money to borrow them. I have never been able to keep a relationship. After about 8mos to a year i get extremely moody. I have come to the conclusion that i am afraid to settle for anything less than perfect because i dont want to live with anything less like my mom did. The last few weeks have been horrible for me. I went to the doc last week and found that i have gained 16 pounds in a year, my boyfriend says i have a bad attitude and that he cant do anything right, my house is a mess cause mom is too "tired" to do anything (i have 2 jobs and work 16 hours a day 6 days a week, she works 4 days a week 6-8 hours a day), I dont enjoy working out anymore, lastnight after my boyfriend told me he wasnt happy anymore i drove an hour out of town just so i could get away from everyone and everything. I made sure i got home after my mom left for work. I got home at about 6:00pm and went to bed for the night. I feel like everything is my fault. I think about my goals and how far behind i am, i think about having kids and how time is going so fast, i think about how life just isnt going the way i wanted, i fell like i just want to lock myself in my room and sleep for a week, i feel like i just want to run away where no one knows i am. This is my story....
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