the first snow is on the mountains and i hate it. i know that there will be more. there will be cold and darkness. i should hopefully only have a few weeks here then temporarily move to a warmer place. and return in the spring. i am in a bit of a funk. my job has ended. my friend committed suicide. my house is nearly empty in ancticpation of this move. i am ready to go but because of other reasons, i have to wait a few more weeks. i feel bad that i am not being productive with my time. i started writing. i always write. i tried to start a novel and it got stuck after the first chapter. then i started on something else and i have written nearly 60 pages about my life...the abuse, the lies, the truth...and i dont know what to do with it. i wanted to write a book but not an autobiography...i am stuck on writing about bad things that have happened to me. it comes out for hours and then i realize the day is gone and i havent accomplished anything. i joined a writers forum and very breifly wrote about the concepts i was trying to write about and the responses were negative. i feel awful.
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