ok im only 17 and i think i am depressed. right now i feel really sick. my stomach hurts really bad i ate a few chips for lunch but other than that i havent eaten much since last night at about 6 that was because my mom was home and i made myself eat dinner so she wouldnt get mad at me. im just not hungry. and today after i ate chips i thought i was going to puke. im not intentially doing this. i do not think i have an eating disorder but im not sure. i dont even know about anything anymore. i havent selpt at all last night i didnt take any sleeping pills so i layed in my bed untill five am. i layed there and thought. i thought about how screwed up i am. and how i need help but still cant get it. my parents think i just want attention but i think it is something more serious. i mean im not going to kill myself, well intentionally, because i just couldnt do that to my little brother. but sometimes i do things and dont realize it untill it is too late. for example my mom yelled at me the other night because i forgot to do something and i just got so mad so enraged that i wanted to hit something but i couldnt it would just be another fight. so like it was basic nature i bit my wrist. i didnt even think about it. i dont know how long i did it or even why i did it. but i regret it now because there i a huge obvious briuse and teeth marks. why did i do this?? i want help because i know that that kind of behavior is not okay neverless normal.and to top it all off ill admit i abuse perscription pills. not because it is fun. i do it just because that is how i know how to get over things. i wish so bad i didnt do this. but i have tried to stop and i cant. once the withdral sits in i cant go through it and just end up getting high again and the whole cycle starts over. i want to go to a theripst but my parents wont take me. i do not DO NOT WHAT SO EVER want to tell them what all is going on. it will just make them think i am crazy or someting it would make things even more akward. so please dont say it. i know i should tell them but im not going to. and no there is not any family member that i can talk to. noone. i am here alone to deal with my screwed up self alone. i cant take it. i am too chicken to go to a school councler. what would i even say?? and i just dont think that calling a crisis line is going to help as much as i need it to. i want to talk to my doctor about it. but i cant call and make an appointment myself. too obvious. and i dont even know if i have a family soctor. i just dont know what to do am i have been like this since about january and honestly i am really worried and scared for myself because i do not know how much longer i can keep on going like this. help me help myself please
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