Bonjoir!!! Bienvenue!!

Why thank you.....

hello and welcome

Hey There, Cold or not? I guess it could depend on a lot of things. Everyone has their own side. Not knowing her side, makes it difficult to really say.

Of course we will all say that no matter what or how long, the person you are married to should support you. But what we come to realize is that some people just dont have it in them. Not that is bad, but we just need to realize it and find other resources for support.

Some times it could jsut be tough love from others that they are forcing you to take action as they dont know what to do or how to help anymore.

Just my thoughts on that

she does play the tough love game... she kicked me out for 3 months, i just recently moved back in... I just really believe in our vows... for better or worse, in sickness and in health. guess im just an old fashiones sucker... im a rare breed lol.

Welcome to DS, there's a great community here for addiction too, there's so many different communities with supportive people. Relationship communities too! I suggest you join as many communities as you need to and make some friends that you can be more intimate with conversation wise thru private messaging.
I cannot attempt to judge your wife nor her needs and frustrations. Addiction I know is a family disease. Are you going to meetings? Do you belong to NA? Are you able to work? Is the financial burden too much for her? Ask yourself, for these are personal questions and could be talked about in private messaging. I wish you luck with your detox and recovery and feel free to write me off board anytime. I hope this helped some, remember you are not alone here!

fuck her if she dosent want to stand by you than she dont want you theres other girlls and they might even like pain killers as well

Welcome. We as addicts always hurt the ones who mean the most to us. I dont think that your wife is being cold, I think she is protecting her self and her sanity. Maybe she is requesting this separation as a way to see if your promises of getting clean and staying clean are gonna hold water. As an addict we promise our loved the moon and at that very moment we mean it, but then the pull of our addict takes over and we go without regard to feelings or consequences.

I think if you truly want to get clean it must be for you and only you. You must walk the walk as well as talking the talk

You need to speak with your doctor and find the right depression medicine thats works for you. What might work for me, wont necessarily work for you.

You must be willing to do the work for your recovery and your marriage

well, then that makes you and me a rare breed. I believe that each should support each other and be there for each other.

Now, there are times when we have to realizde ourselves that we have to take it upon oursleves to finally nip it in the bud for ourselves.

She must love you and want to work it out as you and she are back together. But you should also remember ler limitations. Not so much for her, but if you know this, then your expectations are more realistic towards what tpe of support you can get from her. This will have you then seeking other resources and lighten the stress on your relationship with her.

I have been told before that we just need to worry about our own side of the street and clean it up. Let her stay on her side and realize that is where she will be, you cant do anything about her, and if she doesnt want to be involved, it is a limitation probably of her own doing, not her lack of love for you.

So worry about your side of the street and taking care of yourself, the rest will face in place.

I'm old fashioned too, I think one of the last people on the planet that still believes sex in meant for marriage only... lol!!

However, we all do have our limits, tough or not, and I think your wife is just trying to tell you she's burned out and needs to recouperate....in a way, trying to save a stressed out marriage, because neither one of you can give each other what you truly deserve, if you are worn out.
If you both want to stay together, some couples counseling would probably be helpful, because it is never just one person with the problems.

If either one of you has any doubts, a temporary seperation may be helpful, so you can each see yourselves by yourselves, for who you are, and what you want. It can be very difficult to sort things out and figure out who is doing what wrong (without blaming each other) when you continue relating together - you tend to keep repeating old patterns.

But if you are both willing/able to work on solving the issues and the problems as a team, without blaming, you might be able to do it together.

Dr. Phil has a really good book called "Relationship Rescue" that is helps you do that.

If you want to perk your wife's ears up, buy a copy and ask her to work through it with you.

I go to AA meetings and NA meetings, and i am able to work. It did take a toll on our finances, and i understand her feeling angry and betrayed... but i look at it this way...if roles were reversed, I would stand by her and get her the help she needed...

Depression is very difficult for those around us to cope with. Many times the only way our friends & family can express themselves is by pulling away or getting angry with us. When that happens it make us feel even worse, which they don't always understand. The other thing I find is family & friends want to find a fix for my depression when all I really need is an ear to listen. Congrats on being of the pain meds. That is a HUGE accomplishment. Don't be afraid to try different anti depressents it took about 8 different ones & two years to find just the right combo for me. Don't let that scare you it can come sooner. Make sure you let you Dr. know EVERYTHING you are feeling no matter how small you think it is. Often combos of meds work. Also when you get another illness even a cold it can make your depression even worse. If you have a chuch you attend you might see if you & your wife could meet with your pastor. I would see if you can find some sort of counseling both together & individually. She may be wanting to tell you things she just isn't comfortable with yet. Remember your depression has changed her life to. Often people need time to mourn their old life before adjusting to their new one. I don't mean to sound preacy but I am someone who has suffered major depression for over 10 years & found out last Dec. I am terminally ill with about 3-6 months left, believe me I know depression. Feel free to e mail if you want to chat further. I can tell you some med combos that have worked for me.

You are just at the beginning of your healing process--mentally and physically. It takes time--sometimes a life time.

Your wife is probably exhausted, maybe bruised and numb from your five years of use and having to deal with the ramification of your choices. None of which she had control. I am sure she is resentful as well.

If this is not your first time at attempting to get clean, she is probably sceptical too. Talk is cheap. She is probably at the point where she needs action, and not just three months worth.

I know that hurts and you feel lonely and want your wife's support, but come to terms--it may not happen because of her past hurts from your choice to take these painkillers.

See if you can get in a 12 step program. They are incredible. You will learn more about yourself than you ever imagined, and the bonus, you will learn to initiate the healing process with your family. You will even have the opprtunity to invite your family to the group.

Meanwhile, if the moment comes up where your wife is receptive, perhaps have some suggests for other women who meet that have husbands in the same situation.

Us women tend to shut down after years of disappointment. That doesn't mean we stop loving. Please be patient and kind toward her.

The biggest way you can ensure she is more receptive to you is to stay on track with being clean. I am sure "SHOW ME" is your ticket back into your wife's person.

So find a support group and go to it religiously. If you need more support, buddy-up with someone from the group, or find another type of group that is taking a different approach.

Try your hardest to focus on YOU. Your loved ones will see your commitment and work there way back into your life and know they are not setting themselves up for more hurt.

My opinion, but hope it helps.

i appeciate 99.95 % of all the comments left foe me about this subject... i say 99.95 % because i dont think saying f it to my wife and finding a woman who is addicted to pain killers good advise...lol

Just like in the meetings, take what you need from the boards and leave the rest if it doesn't serve you. Look at the wonderful advice people have given you so far! You're not alone here.