Yesterday evening was tough for me. My friend has a child that was dropped as a baby, brain damage, several surgeries, paralized on the one side of the body. He is my pal. He is 3 years old. I walked in and he smiled at me and I grabbed him and hung out for awhile and we laughed and goofed off. He has a hard time responding quickly and cannot stand on his own, and yet he is very powerful in the way I feel after I am with him. I am still affected tonight/this am. I love that he is able to be happy. I am angry that he has to have surgeries and braces on his leg and that he can't go play like a child should. I am happy that he has entered into my life, to force me to look at what is important. It makes me angry that he recieves so much joy in watching other children play when he can't, yet it makes me happy that he can appreciate these things. I am rambling on and apologize. I just can't seem to shake what this child has gone through and yet I feel bad about my life. I feel guilty that I have this depression when he "obviously" has a problem and yet he is content and happy, and I have something keeping me from being happy and it is not visible. I don't know what holds me down and makes my life essentially "handicapped". I wish that he can escape the pain and suffering he lives with now. I wish that I can escape the pain and suffering I live with now. This doesn't make sense and I am writing to see if anyone feels that: does not being able to show ones ailment make you feel inferior? It is just wrecking my mind. I feel after having been with this wonderful child that I should be okay and well. I certainly don't suffer like he, and I should be happy that I have what is deemed normal. I guess I don't know what I'm trying to say. Disregard.
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