I've been a nurse at my hospital for over 2 years now, with the last 2-3 months being at a different unit. Honestly, I dread going to work because I feel like everytime I go, I make a fool of myself.
I always feel like I'm missing something, or didn't use critical thinking well enough. I didn't put any patient in harm's way, nor did a patient's status decline because of someting I missed. I once had a near miss when I almost gave insulin to a patient who's NPO (nothing to eat/drink). The nurse caught it before I gave it, but she said it in a way that made me feel stupid, "He's NPO, why are you giving insulin?" I wouldn't have mind if she said it in a nicer way like, "It may not be a good idea to give it because he's NPO." Honestly, I don't think this nurse likes me or thinks highly of me, and we're about the same age.
I also don't feel like one of the leads thinks highly of me. Whenever she's lead, I always mess up in some shape or form and she sees it, again they're minor hiccups. Once I wasn't sure if it was safe to give a BP med because HR was low, and I paged the doctor asking for parameters, and she told me to look it up instead of asking the doctor again (who didn't answer my page).
Now I have to face her tomorrow when I go to work and ask her if she can change my schedule; I just joined of Shared Governance (attended 1 meeting so far), and I forgot to put the next meeting on my schedule, and I'm kicking myself because it's something I should know by now.
I want to love my job, I love nursing, it's just that with every hiccup I make I get more and more depressed. What do I do?