I had my first of three weekly hospital treatments this morning. Driving and all is a four hour thing. I got home at about 10:30 a.m. I was intent on getting some 'must' things done. I slept until a moment ago at 3:30 p.m. While I lay there I was so guilt ridden for doing nothing but lay in bed. I started talking with my God about it. We came up with that it is not a thing of morality as with being lazy, weak or any other self-condemnation. It is my illnesses. I have chronic bad depression and anxiety, chronic fatigue syndrome, energy draining nasty pain, chronic mild to medium dehydration and more. My treatment consists of getting IV hydration infusion. My low hydration gets hydrated. My body feels more comfortable afterwards. It sleeps better, enjoys sleep better. And here I beat myself up for not getting things done. The things will be here tomorrow. In a moment, I am going to empty and wash the kitty litter box, take a hot soak in the tub, and go back to bed if I feel like. Guilt can be a good motivator for change but it also can be misused also like being addicted to the excitement of quilt.
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