Through all the darkness that December brought, I am now looking back on the steps I've made, and things are going pretty well. I tried to take my own life on Christmas, I'm so glad it didn't work. I fell into a dark, dark hole. My fiance and I got married by a notary public on December 30th, it was nice, but I didn't even take a shower because I was so depressed. When I came back to school to finish writing my masters, I could only go minutes before having to leave for the bathroom to cry. I booked an appointment with my doctor and went on antidepressants the next day. I was able to finish my thesis on time. I started a new job - working that for a couple weeks now with intensive training starting tomorrow. And, on Friday, I'm going to close on my first house. Given this economy, I feel so much gratitude for the gifts I've been given. This all may seem like it's all good, but there is some bittersweet - I was in school for a PhD, and had to settle for this second masters because after eight years of graduate school, I couldn't get it together to finish my doctoral research. I gave up a huge dream that I've had for years. But, I'm hoping that I can discover new dreams. I honestly couldn't have made it through this month without being on medication. It's not perfect, never will be, but it's not bad - that's where I'm at today.

Depression has put some limits on my life that I really wish weren't there. It's meant a change in my goals and dreams. But, I'm thankful for what I do have. Accepting my own depression has been a long road, and I don't know if I'll accept it tomorrow. I'm thankful for today and what I have today.