Depression Support Group
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This is a depression question related to relationships so bear with me, please.
First, some brief history. My GF and I have not had the healthiest relationships. There has been some verbal abuse. One occasion of physical abuse about 2 1/2 years ago. My financial difficulties have been a strain the past year. In addition, we purchase a house just over a year ago that she has regretted (her credit, her down payment).
Early January, she ended the relationship. Including the reasons above, she has also cited our age difference (she 45, I 34) and my pre-teen son (she has no patience for his "manipulations") as being reasons. She has also accused me of lying and manipulating. If I have, it has not been w/ intent but merely not being able to find ways to keep my promises - bad decisions, financial mistakes, etc.
I'm unemployed looking for work. She wanted me out immediately but gave me time to get a job and find an apartment. But, if I mention anything in regards to us, she takes it as me trying to reconcile and fix the past. While this is in part true, I have recognized the best I can do is get out her way and let her do her thing. I do not want to inconvenience either of us longer than necessary.
She also had an oophorectomy about 2 1/2 years ago. She lost her mother - her best friend - 2 years ago. And she has constantly tried to push me away for a woman "I deserve to be with" though I've always tried to convince her I want to be w/ her.
Last night we had another fall-out. It was certainly one of the worse arguments we've had in a long time.
She said something, however, that I did not catch immediately, about testing positive for BRCA1. The gene runs in her family. It took her mother's life. She won't admit she has tested positive, but also would not deny it. She told me it was none of my business her medical history.
Please do not get me wrong - I have not been the best boyfriend and I regret like hell a lot of things I did. This has shut her down from talking to me about anything personal.
I can't help but wonder, though, if she really wants me gone or just doesn't want me to go through this with her. The surgery strained us big time. And she tried to push me away telling me I didn't need to go through this with her.
This break-up seemed very sudden. I don't mean the reasoning, but the rage. I've compared it to someone who just blows from all of the stress.
She won't seek any therapy at all - not relationships, not other personal matters. Her way of handling things "works for her".
I want to do what's best. If it is just me that is the problem in her life then I will gladly step aside and wish her the best.
I don't believe there is anyone else I can ask. I've considered emailing her boss, a good friend of hers. But I don't know if that will even help and could even backfire if the boss tells her I'm emailing about this.
So fucking confused...
First, some brief history. My GF and I have not had the healthiest relationships. There has been some verbal abuse. One occasion of physical abuse about 2 1/2 years ago. My financial difficulties have been a strain the past year. In addition, we purchase a house just over a year ago that she has regretted (her credit, her down payment).
Early January, she ended the relationship. Including the reasons above, she has also cited our age difference (she 45, I 34) and my pre-teen son (she has no patience for his "manipulations") as being reasons. She has also accused me of lying and manipulating. If I have, it has not been w/ intent but merely not being able to find ways to keep my promises - bad decisions, financial mistakes, etc.
I'm unemployed looking for work. She wanted me out immediately but gave me time to get a job and find an apartment. But, if I mention anything in regards to us, she takes it as me trying to reconcile and fix the past. While this is in part true, I have recognized the best I can do is get out her way and let her do her thing. I do not want to inconvenience either of us longer than necessary.
She also had an oophorectomy about 2 1/2 years ago. She lost her mother - her best friend - 2 years ago. And she has constantly tried to push me away for a woman "I deserve to be with" though I've always tried to convince her I want to be w/ her.
Last night we had another fall-out. It was certainly one of the worse arguments we've had in a long time.
She said something, however, that I did not catch immediately, about testing positive for BRCA1. The gene runs in her family. It took her mother's life. She won't admit she has tested positive, but also would not deny it. She told me it was none of my business her medical history.
Please do not get me wrong - I have not been the best boyfriend and I regret like hell a lot of things I did. This has shut her down from talking to me about anything personal.
I can't help but wonder, though, if she really wants me gone or just doesn't want me to go through this with her. The surgery strained us big time. And she tried to push me away telling me I didn't need to go through this with her.
This break-up seemed very sudden. I don't mean the reasoning, but the rage. I've compared it to someone who just blows from all of the stress.
She won't seek any therapy at all - not relationships, not other personal matters. Her way of handling things "works for her".
I want to do what's best. If it is just me that is the problem in her life then I will gladly step aside and wish her the best.
I don't believe there is anyone else I can ask. I've considered emailing her boss, a good friend of hers. But I don't know if that will even help and could even backfire if the boss tells her I'm emailing about this.
So fucking confused...
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over the last couple of days ive been being told that a physcologist and doctor is the only way for me to heal and help myself, which at first didnt affect me as much but now i seriously am having a panic attack and have absolutley no hope for myself that i am going to heal, i cant see myself healing or being happy and i cant imagine my life getting any better, it truly really feels like it is...
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My sister is in an abusive relationship with a cheater and overall emotionally abusive guy, I have read her text messages with him and he's cheated multiple times and literally takes no accountability and does not know how to apologize properly without putting the blame on her and being manipulative and I really just don't get why she's still staying in the relationship and i don't know how to...
I would DEFINITELY not email her boss. Stay out of her 'personal' life .. she does not want you in it.
I tried to ask her to go back to counseling, at least, to help her deal w/ whatever she's giong through. But, she absolutely refuses. I know after I leave the house, she'll write me off completely in large part because she doesn't want me knowing about all these medical issues she's going through.
It's BS.
This is all out of your hands. DO NOT email her boss it is not your business. If you really care for her then let things be. You can't force people to accept help or to accept your relationship. Time and distance may be whats needed to sort both your heads out.
My goal is to just try and regain her trust as much as she allows. Get out of her away as soon as I can get a job. In the maentime, I've made an appointment to see a social worker so...I have my hands full as it is.