depends on it is 4givable, If not don't have to 4give them.

I dont know what to say. I dont know if you should have to forgive these people that did this to you. No one should ever be like this or do things like that to you. Do you think you need to forgive them in order to get over it?

God I really wish I had the answer to that...I would probably feel a lot lighter if I could let go of those feelings, I just still haven't worked out how to.

when i was young, i had to baby sit for my cousins. my uncle would sneek around the bed on his hands and knees by me and do things. i have never told anyone this except my parents. i would tell my mom and dad what was going on but they made me babysit anyway, apparently thought i was lying. finally i refused to go over there. to this day, i do not talk to my uncle. i did not forgive him, but i let it go for my own mental being. i did nothing wrong, he was the one that had the problems!!! i always felt sorry for his 2 daughters that were little. they never said a word and i never asked if anything happened. i have seen none of them for almost 40 years now and i dont want to either. i dont think you have to forgive, i just think you have to forget to keep your own peace of mind.

I was living in Holland with my husband and his family (he is from there) and he had a massive stroke and almost died. his family were terrible to me. they yelled at me, threaten to kill me, his father tried to do 'things' and they told me to move back to america and called me stupid, tried to get me not to see my husband in the hosiptal, and tried to get my husband to tell me to leave. the last thing they did was that his mother kept hitting me I had to call the police. how can I forgive them or how can I let it go?

To forgive is to realise that the person and the action are seperate things, you forgive the person, regardless of whether the action is forgivable.

Kinda like being able to accept someone but not thier actions.

not sure if I can do that - they treated me so badly - they threatened to kill me, told me how they could get away with it. they tried to give my husband another stroke - I just don't know how to forgive and let it go

Please let me know if you get this answer!! Cause I have been trying for years. Someone once said you can forgive but it doesn't mean you have to forget..or something like that!

Tons of therapy and then some more therapy.

Wham, you said it very perfecto, but you usually do..

People are a sum of their choices and thier past.

His family past has caused them to become what they are. They not only deserve your forgiveness, they deserve your pity, for they are unpleasant souls and karma will see their unpleasantness reflected in their lives.

You seem like a wonderful person. Forgive them so they have no more bearing on you life!

I understand completely. It is so hard for me to forgive too. Big part of my depression. And even harder for me to forget. I think people who are depressed are genuinely caring people (well I think I'm an evil doer but only to myself) We just are shocked when people do stuff to us so its hard to forgive cause we don't do stuff to hurt them usually only ourselves

First time I ever heard or thought about forgiveness, my gut reaction was, YOU MUST BE JOKING: BUT HE, she, they......: The first thing I had to do what fiqure out what forgivness meant to me. For me, forgivness is more like letting go, heres that word again, pray or meditate over it. Turn it over to whatever your higher power happens to be, and then come to peace with it.

Make a list of who you are angry at, be specific in what they did to you. Right everyones name down, even places and things down. Yes , we victims tend to carry alot of misdirected anger around, we even hate the building it happened in, the color of the blanket on the bad. Or, we often relive our terror by relating to the world as a victim. Therefore, we ended up constantly being victimized by someone.

Afterwards you make your list, do two things, find someone you trust to share it with, and then BURN IT!! Be careful, don't wont to wear the good captian out putting out fires, but burn the hell out of it.

It doesn't matter whether the act is forgivable or not, and that may sound harsh. But, the effects of carrying around that anger will kill us if we don't find a way to let it go. We forgive for ourselves, not nesarrily for the other party. They may reap some spiritual benefit from your sould being at peace, but you do it for yourself.

Someone mentioned seperating the deed from the person, yes, that helps to, but to get to that place where I can do that, I need to realize just what the anger and guilt I am carrying around is doing to me.

Oh, most importantly, put yourself on that list. We all have this unresolved anger at ourselves for letting ourselves down. If the only thing we did was be a little child unable to protect ourselves from mean, harmful adults. However, forgetting didn't work, by not doing anything to seek justice for ourselves, we turned that anger inward, to our selves. If I were a better person, if God loved me more, if, if , if, if.............that is the longest word in the dictionary.

Hell, my rage keep me putting me in other situations where I was having to relive the victim role. When I got tired of it, I released all my anger, let go, and forgave the person/s but most importantly, I forgave me. IT was not my fault, I did not do anything but be unable to protect myself. I paid enough for the shame, and determined it would not rob me of another nights peace.

There are many selfhelp books on the subject, or try therapy. Bless you, I hope you find the peace in your life you are seeking.

Dr Wayne Dyers 10 secrets for success and inner peace is a very good easy to read short meditative self help book. It covers, secret #7, there are no justified resentments, borrowed from the twelve steps.

The happiness in your life depends on the quality of your thoughts....take care that you habor no notions unsuitable to virture, and reasonable nature. Marcus Aurclius

Zaza excellent post. Helpful to many people. Hope it helps you staavos. Forgiveness is so important for our own well-being.