Ive been in hospital for a month since an overdose i got back on the weekend. My boyfriend beat me up last night and Im now pretty swollen up and a big hazy. But it was my fault cos I havent been around to meet his needs and he feels resentful about that. I do care about him and I feel guilty for the things i have done. It wasnt his fault its my fault i cause these things to happen. Im just really sore now and a bit miserable and a bit scared of him too cos i asked him to stop and i said no but he said that i said yes and that i wanted it really. my friends said it was rape but i dont think it was because i do love him i just wasnt ready cos it was too soon for me and im scared now cos he is so strong and can make me do things when i dont want too. I know that im a bad person or else he wouldnt have made me do those things and that i should be punished for being a bad girl. I just wish he didnt call me a piece of meat because when he said that that really hurt my feelings.
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