I am 39 and feel like the biggest loser on the planet. I am ashamed, as I have accomplished almost nothing in the years of my life. I know it is fruitless to compare myself to others, but I look around and see the successes of people so much younger than myself, and I mourn for my own youth. Why didn't I find a path and put myself on it. I am ashamed of my nothingness, for my daughter has only me to look to, and she knows I am pathetic. She loves me anyway, but I have not been able to give her any of the experiences in life that she has wanted. All my dreams were little more than fantasies I wasn't worthy of pursuing. I am a Salieri in a Mozart world--except that Salieri was able to compose respectable pieces of music. I can hear, see, and understand brilliance in life, but I can't produce it. I am broken. And further, I am broke, in debt, have a negative balance in my checking account. I am so pathetic I can't even get a job. I can offer my wonderful, beautiful child nothing, and it is all I see. I live with my parents, who are also depressed. This is so ugly and so unfair to my daughter.
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