My backstory and reasons for depression are on my profile.
I feel as though I keep so busy so I don't have to think about any of this. I haven't been happy in my current city for a long time, and I sit and research another city to move to, because it's so much cheaper. I also try to take weekend trips to escape, because I'm just over it all. I also hate that everywhere I look, there are memories of my deceased fiance. It's a reminder of what I lost.
I've been having issues with my aunt recently, who helps with my daughter. Despite me picking up groceries, taking her to dinner, or doing household chores to show appreciation; I'm told that I either picked up the wrong item or it's not as good as the item she buys. Makes me feel worthless, and I think she's a controlling person.
I know I have been a lot quieter at work, and I try to avoid small talk. I just don't have the energy or happiness to engage with people. I want to focus on work and just leave for the day. I even asked to move desks so I could have a quieter workspace.
Lately, I just feel it's always something. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to fall. I just feel like I have been putting on a facade to mask these feelings. I don't think my current boyfriend realizes the extent of my depression, and I don't want to drag him down.
Can anyone relate?
My depression comes out as extreme anger at first. I'm ready to teach anyone who choses to act like an ass to me a lesson in how to really and truly be an ass. I am usually extremely patient with people, so when that side comes out, well, it's a bit of a shock, and my meanness has such a direct hit as to the other person's issues, that it's almost cruel. then I get depressed. I think the...
I've realized that life feels more like a chore than anything. There's no fun or relaxation anymore, just the chore of existing. I've felt this way for a long time and I'm not sure how to help myself stop feeling this way.