Hi! It is my first time here and I am hoping it helps! I have been going through a rough time. I see a therapist once a week and he helps but I can't be with him 24/7. I was married for 17 years to a man that one day just decided that he didn't want to be married to me anymore, then behind my back would tell all my friends "my wife is too fat to have sex with". There were other things he did and said but that one was the most devistating to me. I thought my life was over but then I met this tall, bald and sexy guy that was 9 years younger than me. He loved me for who I am inside not outside. He would say the most beautiful things to me and he made me feel absolutely beautiful. But we were also addicts. We have been together for 4 1/2 years. He ended up spending time in jail 2 years out of the 4 1/2 years together. I stood by his side through it all. Now that he is out he is trying to put his life back together and I am so proud of him for the changes that he has made and for the things he is doing to better himself. But now he has pushed me away and my heart is just so broken. I know that I am being selfish but that doesn't make the pain in my heart feel any better. He said "If we can just be friends until I can get my life back on track and then see where it goes". How can you go from being madly in love with someone to just being friends? I don't know how to deal with this and I feel like my life is completely out of control. I haven't used drugs in over 9 months but I find that I am drinking more then I should be. I hate coming home to an empty house so I go out and sit at the bar instead. My heart hurts so bad from this and I just want it to stop. So much somethimes that I feel like the only way to make it stop is to die! I don't want my life to be like this anymore. I am a beautiful person and I have so much to offer. I don't deserve to be treated this way but at the same time I feel so guilty for being selfish and I just don't know what to do! I have been out of work for a year now and I start my new job tonight I have to keep focused and I feel like I am falling apart.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...