It hasn’t even been too long since I felt this depressed, but my prev. roomate / good friend died at the beginning of summer (which I can’t wait to be over) after having just moved again and starting an entirely new job in a different field too.. I’ve been training basically all summer. On top of this stuff I still have all my other issues.. I had JUST gotten over for the most part my ex deteriorating with his health issues and having to leave him. We were together for 8 years. I’m with someone else now so that’s been a challenge.... not to mention all the issues stemming from my dad who later in life tried to kill my mom are still there... Even my relationship with my mom and sister is pretty messed. I’m constantly trying to stay on top of all of this and better myself and be mentally clear / happy. I feel so messed I don’t know what’s from what anymore..
My roomate killed herself.. although we don’t believe she in her right mind truly wanted to die. Sometimes I can almost see how someone could get so close to actually doing it.. It worries me that I could one day.. I don’t know.. I want to be happy, I do.. but I have no motivation these days even though I was planning to get back into art and a lot of things.. much of life feels pretty pointless. I am constantly just trying so hard not to hate myself..