The last few days I have been going downhill, I feel so, so down I cant even begin to describe how much it hurts. Everything aches and I didnt get out of bed until 4pm. I just felt paralysed by exhasution. Every little thing is irritating me and I just want to smash something or cut myself to release the tension. I feel so alone. My community nurse goes on and on about using my protective factors ie my family but they dont really understand and i cant talk to them. the crisis team are coming in just over an hour but they barely stayed any time yesterday it just seemed like he wanted to go and couldnt be bothered to talk. i hope they're not like that today. I am desperate to sleep but the insomnia has come back with avengance. I am a toxic combination of incredibly down, angry and exhausted and i dont know how to safely release my feelings. part of me just wants to be back in hospital away from everything. I cant bear this any more.
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