the last few days have been almost too much to bear. my mom (the one with MS) has had bladder problems, she is retaining too much urine and the docs told her if she didn't catheterize she might go into renal failure and die. problem is that her dad severely abused her as a child (stuck knitting needles in her urethra) so she is too traumetized still to do it. she has been working with therapist but no luck. the other night my dad called me in a panic (he is out of town yet again) saying i needed to go see her, so i drove 90mph with my flashers on to find her sobbing in bed saying that she just can't do it and would rather live quality of life rather than quantity. i tried to argue with her but she said it's her life and her body. i get that i suppose. the next day i got in a fight with her because she asked me to call my dad and i said no, that i was sick of him calling me in a panic and expecting me to fix everything. i told her i had my own life and i am not a miracle worker. i left her angry, so i felt horrible guilty. i went out of town for the weekend the next day. i had a great time and felt better but as soon as i got back i started feeling bad again. i ate mushrooms last night which was a really stupid thing because i started imagining my mom all alone in her bed, and scared and lonely. i tried to hold in the tears so i would not upset my boyfriend. finally we laid in bed and i couldn't hold it in. he was holding me and i was feeling so guilty that we have what we have and my mom will never have it again. my dad is always angry at her and even when he is home he sleeps on the couch and is always pissed off. i felt so bad that my mom is alone. i felt guilty that i was laying in my love's arms and she is alone. i sobbed so hard i let it all out. i only got three hours of sleep and i am at work now. i don't know what to do. i am only 28! i can't be happy knowing my mom isn't. i feel so guilty leaving her alone but i want my own life. i am so overwhelmed. i hate this.