
Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

deleted_user
for the longest time, maybe even when I was a kid many, many years ago, I felt like I was invisible. unseen. unheard. by everyone. Sure I had a few friends, parents that loved me etc. but I just didnt fit in! ANYWHERE1 Lost and confused, hopeless and hurting I turned to what became the primary focus in my life Heroin. 30 plus years later all I have to show for myself is a felony record, prison time many people that would rather not even look my way much less talk to me and a total feeling of absolute annonimity. Lost. alone. unwanted. Now for the most part some of these feelings are legit. but I quit doing drugs and the drug life 8 yrs. ago. why do I not feel much better?
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sometimes I still feel that way, but not as often anymore
If you are emotionally detatched, people may (and probably do) care for you and love you, you just may not be able to feel it.
In order to free myself from my addiction I had to move away from all my 'friends' and change my life completely - almost change my identity.
It is the hardest thing. It took years before I began to feel even remotely 'normal' (whatever that is) Actually I couldn't even string a sentence together for the first year - kept forgetting what the conversation was all about. Funny now but not at the time.
20 something years on and my past still sometimes haunts me; couldn't watch Trainspotting without feeling really sick!
However now I realise it is all part of who I am and I like the person I have become. This sort of experience is really useful for helping the younger generation stay clear of this hell.
My congratulations to you for being clean for 8 years, keep up the fight and gradually you will start to find real friends who care about you.
Stay true to yourself, kind and compassionate and don't take any crap from those who will try to bring you down
:-)
Hope this helps
Cheers
Snork
Why do you not feel much better?Well, it is possible to cure the habit but not the disease,and not the pain that partly brought that disease on.How different is your life now than when you began using?What sorts of changes have you made to feel more recognized, cared about, able to communicate,part of and not hidden from the world?If you are depressed,it is likely you have found it very hard to make such changes,if not impossible.If you have been living in so much "silence"such a long time,I would definitely recommend a pyschiatrist.It is possible that antidepressants might be able to cure an underlying imbalance,thus lightening your depression,and it would also be rewarding for you to have someone to talk to,who will be able to help you make necessary changes in your life. I have seen many psychiatrists,and know how hard it is to find a good one, you may have,too, but it is really so important to persist here,because someone to communicate with is so essential when we feel isolated and abandoned and alone.
You ARE visible--distinctive actually--and your post moved me a great deal.If you'd ever like to contact me,please do. And remember,part of depression is self distortion, so you are actually much more visible(just isolating,it seems like)than you feel.Best wishes to you!
Lots of love,
Mahadra