I am 4mths pregnant and have suffered from depression for most of my adult life. Believe it or not I am happily married I also have a 1 1/2 yr old son who I adore. today my sister came to get him to spend the night with her and her children and grandchild. When they left I finally cried for myself. We are in a real bad financial state I am disabled from a head injury in '01and was forced to retire in '04. I hate stayin at home I had so much pride in my job and dont get me wrong i appreciate the fact that i am able to be with my son. But at the same time I feel sorry for my husband, son, and even unborn child because i cant make our situation better. I cant sleep at night now beecause I think about how I am going to support this new child. there was a teenager who was due within days and I gave her my sons old clothes and now I feel stupid because I wish I had those things back. I know I did a good thing but it seems it came back to bite me. i try to stay positive because I dont want my son to see me cry. I try to talk to my husband but he gets worried because I say things like I dont want you to suffer with me I have asked him to leave but ofcourse he wont but I truly believe he deserves better than me. I dont have a phone right now so I cant call anyone and I dont have any friends. My family is highly dysfunctional and I am better off not contacting them. My father who raised me by himself is a wonderful man but is going through a nasty divorce. And my only other family member my older sister is a victim of rape, incest, and spousal abuse so I call myself the oldest by default. I also carry alot of guilt because none of that happened to me and I struggle to understand what it was about me that I was spared. I need to know that things will get better. I have heard alot things could be worse but I dont see how .
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