Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
This is really long and complicated, so not to bore you guys I'll try and keep it as straight forward as possible...
I have more or less been independent since I was 15, and by independent I mean like... living alone etc not financially, as I was supported by a monthly allowance from my parents. So yes I'm sure they cared about my well being.
During this period, I was fairly normal, then I was abused sexually... It annoyed me, (but did not really hit me until later) so minus the fact that unlike most of my peers I did not have family around to hang out with during holidays etc... I had a best friend and I had a good boyfriend.
My best friend died, i had a miscarraige and my bf left.
That's when it hit me that unlike anyone else, I did not have a family to talk to about anything... That's when the depression started.
Suddenly out of nowhere a year ago, my family was back... And they tried really hard to be around, but in a way I couldn't do it.. I was extremely lonely and did not like the idea of these people, who I barely knew, who did not really know me (for example, i'm vegetarian they did not know this!) invading my life was not something i took well.
They made me move in with them, and becos of depresion, living was hard, i was not going to uni, i lost my part time job, I could not pay rent... Which did not help, at all. I felt trapped and stuck.
My so called friends, who to be honest were really just aquaintances, cos minus my bf and best friend i never really got close to anyone, i felt to fucked up... and quite frankly, wanting to stay in bed all day and not socialise is the best way to alienate people, and well, my friends kinda all dissapeared.
I've had somewhat of an eating disorder for years, but now that I was home, lying in bed and only getting up to eat... I gained a bit of weight, which fucked with my head even more... and well, bulimia came back on full force, and the angrier i get the more i eat, then more i eat the angrier i get... it was the only thing i felt i could control and i still fluctuate about 10 pounds on a month by month basis.
Presently:
I am in therapy, and have told my mother about all of the above (minus the eating disorder) and u know what? she barely reacted... nothing.
For the first time in months, i want to go out, i want to make new friends, i want to do things, i need a new bf... blah blah, i want a life cos im always crying every single day and i know its not normal.
But then my mother who has travelled, has asked me to 'babysit' my younger brother for a week, which means going back to her house and living there (staying in bed eating and watching tv) so my brother is not alone.
this is driving me nuts as quite frankly, i feel like the second i want to be normal, i am being dragged into this situation where i cannot really get out of, because they still help me out financially and well, i kinda owe them...
She says i am picking my friends over my family.
I reply.. no, cos that's not what i'm doing... after all i barely saw my so called friends even when alone.
How do i explain that it is not about picking anyone over anyone, its about the fact that even though its just a week, being here surrounded by junk food, staying in bed just so i can be with my bro (who has not spoken two words to me since i got here) is going to drag me back acres... How do i explain that the fact that i want to get out of bed (even if its just to take a walk or go to the shops) is a BIG deal and i feel like she is dragging me back into bed.
I am also extremely resentful of the fact that I am babysitting a fifteen year old, cos quite frankly when i was his age i was in a different country, my friends were my family, and no one gave a shit about babysitting me.
ps: i cannot do anything whilst at my mothers, she lives in the country... not near anything.
I feel like the most selfish person in the world... But this is how I feel, i need someone to please tell me how to handle this...
I wish, i could be normal, so i can be totally independent and i wont be able to be held ransom at such short notice...
xx
I have more or less been independent since I was 15, and by independent I mean like... living alone etc not financially, as I was supported by a monthly allowance from my parents. So yes I'm sure they cared about my well being.
During this period, I was fairly normal, then I was abused sexually... It annoyed me, (but did not really hit me until later) so minus the fact that unlike most of my peers I did not have family around to hang out with during holidays etc... I had a best friend and I had a good boyfriend.
My best friend died, i had a miscarraige and my bf left.
That's when it hit me that unlike anyone else, I did not have a family to talk to about anything... That's when the depression started.
Suddenly out of nowhere a year ago, my family was back... And they tried really hard to be around, but in a way I couldn't do it.. I was extremely lonely and did not like the idea of these people, who I barely knew, who did not really know me (for example, i'm vegetarian they did not know this!) invading my life was not something i took well.
They made me move in with them, and becos of depresion, living was hard, i was not going to uni, i lost my part time job, I could not pay rent... Which did not help, at all. I felt trapped and stuck.
My so called friends, who to be honest were really just aquaintances, cos minus my bf and best friend i never really got close to anyone, i felt to fucked up... and quite frankly, wanting to stay in bed all day and not socialise is the best way to alienate people, and well, my friends kinda all dissapeared.
I've had somewhat of an eating disorder for years, but now that I was home, lying in bed and only getting up to eat... I gained a bit of weight, which fucked with my head even more... and well, bulimia came back on full force, and the angrier i get the more i eat, then more i eat the angrier i get... it was the only thing i felt i could control and i still fluctuate about 10 pounds on a month by month basis.
Presently:
I am in therapy, and have told my mother about all of the above (minus the eating disorder) and u know what? she barely reacted... nothing.
For the first time in months, i want to go out, i want to make new friends, i want to do things, i need a new bf... blah blah, i want a life cos im always crying every single day and i know its not normal.
But then my mother who has travelled, has asked me to 'babysit' my younger brother for a week, which means going back to her house and living there (staying in bed eating and watching tv) so my brother is not alone.
this is driving me nuts as quite frankly, i feel like the second i want to be normal, i am being dragged into this situation where i cannot really get out of, because they still help me out financially and well, i kinda owe them...
She says i am picking my friends over my family.
I reply.. no, cos that's not what i'm doing... after all i barely saw my so called friends even when alone.
How do i explain that it is not about picking anyone over anyone, its about the fact that even though its just a week, being here surrounded by junk food, staying in bed just so i can be with my bro (who has not spoken two words to me since i got here) is going to drag me back acres... How do i explain that the fact that i want to get out of bed (even if its just to take a walk or go to the shops) is a BIG deal and i feel like she is dragging me back into bed.
I am also extremely resentful of the fact that I am babysitting a fifteen year old, cos quite frankly when i was his age i was in a different country, my friends were my family, and no one gave a shit about babysitting me.
ps: i cannot do anything whilst at my mothers, she lives in the country... not near anything.
I feel like the most selfish person in the world... But this is how I feel, i need someone to please tell me how to handle this...
I wish, i could be normal, so i can be totally independent and i wont be able to be held ransom at such short notice...
xx
deleted_user
say no. it sounds like you really need to focus on what's best for you. If you feel like it'll set you back acres then don't do it. Be kind to number 1.
Join the Conversation
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
