Life's been a battle lately. I need something...anything that will tell me I'm enough. I'm such a moron. I want to cry and vent because I know that's what this place is for. And yet I can't really bring myself to fall apart emotionally the way I'm falling apart physically. I feel sick...too much wine...not enough food...and the temptation of the steak knives in the kitchen. I'm lost. I should have known, what goes up must come down...fast.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...