Well despite my better feelings, I went and turned in an application at a PVC pipe place today. I know nothing about PVC pipe and I don't even know what the job description is...plus they have a drug screen and I will not get through it. I smoked last night, and right now I'm freaking out because I'm trying to fight the urge to smoke. They want to do the drug screen within the next two weeks, and that is not long enough for me to get my system clean. I have smoked everyday since like August and it's going to take at least a month to get clean enough to pass. My mother thinks I am clean, I told her I haven't smoked since we moved, but I have, every day. Right now I am dying for a bowl, but I am trying to stay away from it. I don't think I can do it, because every second that goes by, I want it more and more. I can't fight it much longer unless I get out of the house. But I have no where to go...and the whole UA thing is really bugging the shit out of me. IF I fail it, they charge me 40 bucks and don't give me a job, but I know I will fail, even if I don't smoke anymore. I am so screwed....my mom is going to go out of this world mad when she hears I failed the UA....dammit, why am I constantly being tortured by some agonizing situation???
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