damn my moms death anniversary is tomorrow and i don't wanna be around anybody because i don't wanna verbally or physically go off on anybody but no i see my therapist tomorrow and god damn it my uncle asked one of my friends and her girlfriend to come over tomorrow god doesn't anyone understand the concept of being alone........fuuuuuuuuuuuck...i just wish i could have my mom back.......totally wanna kill myself so i don't have to deal with this....god damn it ugggggggh i hope i am all calm tomorrow and i do not see how i will get sleep tonight or tomorrow night......fuck it all...damn it...just wish my girlfriend wasn't so far away so she could hold me tomorrow hell that is the only person i'd wanna be around other than my dad andhe is a bit too far from me just like my g/f except he is further...fuck doesn't anything ever go the way i want it?....ugh....god i feel like crying right now but i ain't wich is even more fucked up god knows i'll probably either have another surreal moment all day tomorrow or i'll be crying most of the day and i hope it is a surreal moment so i do not have to deal with the whole fucking day of my mom's fuckin death...fuuuuuck
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