Tuesday my hubby's family is having a memorial for the 5th anniversery of his brother's death. My hubby's brother committed suicide 5 years ago, and it has been hard on the whole family. Now they want to have a memorial, again, and I really don't want to go. I know it is hard to loose someone to suicide, my Mother committed suicide, but do we have to revisit it ever few years? I know it is selfish, and they just want to honor his memory, but it is just so hard to go to this every few years. It is hard to feel those feelings that go along with suicide, every couple of years. It is hard to feel like it has happened all over again, every few years. His family is a wonderful family, and they would never do anything that would hurt any of their children (or their spouses) but this hurts every time. I guess I still have unfinished healing to do conserning my Mother's suicide and that is why this is so hard on me, but I see the pain in my husband too, I see the pain in his whole family, I don't see how this is benifiting anyone to go through the pain over and over again. Maybe I am wrong, maybe this is their way of grieving his loss. I just need to take a step back maybe. I don't know but I am starting to have those feelings again like I had after my Mother's suicide, I am starting to question myself as to what I could have done differently. I am so confused......
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