so I have slept for 24 hours except when I got up 1 time to take care of the animals which is why I am up again. I dont even really know what day it is. I have tried to be positive all week. tried to use the cbt. I am not going to make it. I am so very sad about my son not talking to me that life just does not seem worthwhile. He is the only other person on this earth (besides the computer people) that I even speak to. I am thinking today would be a great day to just slip away. The cool breeze the birds singing. I havent a clue how uch or what I have taken but I dont feel too together. The volunteering works while I am there I am this phony happy pwrson. then by the time I get back into my car I am right back in this state. I wont go into the hospital because you are in a room with two paople and I dont trust anyone to be next to me when I sleep. I am just very sad sad sas. You are all helpeful however you are only here. No one is in my real life. I feel like the throw away person. Oh well. Please if anyone tells me to stay around because my son will feel badly that I am gone It will be like the golden ticket of permission. Now if that is you just write it to yourself.
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