So some of you may have read my previous post or even read my journal. Right now I am freaking out. I'm sick, cold allergies flu, I don't know but its NOT helping right now. I feel like I'm losing it and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I don't know whats real anymore! I don't know if these thoughts are me or the depression anymore. I am so angry right now and don't know if I have a right to be. You may say after reading my journal that I'm not overreacting but how do I know that I didn't write it to make it sound worse than it was? I feel like this thing has taken over me and I'm demon possesed or something. Maybe I need an exorcist. I want ME back! Where does that person go when this depression take over? How do I get it back? I can't breath! I think I'm having a panic attack! Make it go away someone please! And please no one tell me that I need to see someone or get meds. I CAN'T. I don't know why, I don't know why I can't do a lot of things. I'm scared to death and stuck here and can't go anywhere else. Maybe its all my fault and I keep myself this way. I want to know whats real. I want to be able to think clearly. I can't do this anymore! I'm stuck in this hole and I'm too stupid to scream for help and the longer I wait the deeper it gets. I'm losing it! I don't know what I expect from posting this. You are only going to give the the same advice I always give people over and over and I'm a hypocrite because I never follow it myself. I'm just freaking out here right now. I'm sorry. I hope I stay sick because the last thing I want is to have to go to work in the morning and deal with those people again. I can't live like this anymore. Why can't there be a magic wand to make it all go away?
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