killing me, and my relationships, and friendships. i don't know what happened with me and my boyfriend. we were going ok..

and i don't know what's going on.

we were supposed to hang out today. and.. THAT didn't happen. i don't like it when ppl make promises to me that they can't/don't end up keeping, becuase uh.. it just really gets me down.

like. a lot.

and..

uhm..

i'm so depressed, i am actualyl thinking of cutting. i am not thinking of killing myself. but i just want more attention. ugh. that sounds soo needy and desperate though.

but it is true.

i just want to lock myself in my room and cut.

i know how emo that sounds haha..
but it's soo true right now.
i really want someone to talk to who i can trust or confide in, and who will ACTUALLY HELP ME and not make things worse. like, my ex friends.. that is why we are not friends anymore. they would make everything seem ten times worse whenever i would want them to help.

ugh.. i just. feel..
lonely.
and like i should be cutting. i really want to. really bad. and i havent felt this way.. since a long time ago.. :(