The past 7 years I have been sad and withdrawn not knowing I was suffering from depression. The controlling marriage with a woman that was an alcoholic and a pill taker. Why was I with her? We all think we are doing the right thing for some reason. Bottom line is we all live from our mistakes..I sure did. During the years I was tryin to make myself feel better through having a few drinks now and then. We all know drinking while depressed is VERY dangerous. Both mentally and physically. It just seemed to get worse as the years went by. My father dying in "02" and my daughter dying from cancer last year at the age of 31. Parents are NOT supposed to outlive thier kids...this emotionally destoyed me. The last 1 1/2 years I've been involved with a wonderful woman and her two children. We made a great family and I thought I was going to be happy with the situation. I love her with all my heart but, the depression was destroying me on the inside and drinking to make it go away. I didn't know what I was doing to myself and my relationship until it was too late. Depression does not make you be lie an be dishonest with people. Drinking and trying to make the depression go away..DOES! She has been very hurt and betrayed and the trust isn't there right now. I know she still loves me and misses me but, regaining the trust could be a problem. She said that she has shut down and it's over with. I had told her that I wasn't going to give up on what we had and she can all the time she needs. None of this was done intentionally but, it still happened. I'm getting my life back in order again and have been on med's for two weeks. I haven't even to drink at all which tells me that I'm not dependant on alcohol. Does everyone agree with depression, alcohol and dishonesty? If you can't be honest with youself...how can you be with others? I'm having a very hard time being away from her..on top of everything else..it's very heart breaking....thanks
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