im sitting her with a knife up against my chest -- i dont care anymore -- im so tired of being here and getting crap from people but this or that, dont know how to handle the constant running commentary in my head - and all of it is negative -- cant stand the dark morbid dreams anymore...so tired of crying for several hours at nite and not being able to control my emotions or my actions when i am this way...scared and tired of all the times i vomit - i dont even really et anymore cuz of it....i feel alone, so very alone...i kno im still quite young but i feel old, broken-down and tired...I feel like im 80 yrs old!!! Im sick of getting used and then dumped...maybe i deserved to be dumped, like a piece of garbage...and thats what my body will be once im thru w/ it!!!
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