Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am the mother of three boys, 7, 10 and 13. Their father and I are divorced three years now, and he will not let go and will not be civil for the sake of the kids. He continually hounds me about his perception of how I raise the kids (which doesn't include the beatings his method does), and the delusion that the oldest (mine from a previous marriage but raised by him) is going to become a drug addict because he listens to certain bands. I have remarried. Because of the joint custody my ex and I have of the boys, there are many times I have to deal with him on a daily basis. This man is not happy unless he has something to whine and gripe about, and he brings me down with him. Say what you will about not letting him, it just happens. He lives not only to lecture and point fingers, but also to attempt to turn the kids against me. While it's not working, just the fact that he's saying the things he's saying and doing the things he's doing, I have come to the end of my rope. He is incapable of having an adult relationship with another woman and never has been (we got married because of son no. 2), will not accept blame or responsibility for anything that went wrong or continues to go wrong, and tries at every turn to shut me out of their lives, primarily where school is concerned. He wants to be perceived as super-dad, and I'm afraid he's got some people fooled. Except his kids, who tell me he spends all day long on the phone lines trying to meet women.
My point is, I'm so tired of dealing with this. So many times I think about just walking away from the whole mess, even if it means leaving my children behind. I am not strong enough to go through this for another 11 years. I love my children more than anything, despite how it sounds, but between his behavior and the behavior of our 10-year old (violent, aggressive, defiant), I feel like a complete and utter failure. My beloved cousin that I grew up with committed suicide several months back, leaving behind a child. While I'm not saying I'm suicidal, there are so many times that I wonder, is this how she felt? I don't have a strong family support system, my husband can sometimes be distant and doesn't understand how much it hurts me to be going through this. He thinks I should just shake it off. Sometimes, the only thing I think I can do right is my job, which involves waiting on people all day long.
What do I do to keep from cracking? I don't want to leave my kids, but their father has me at the end of my rope!
My point is, I'm so tired of dealing with this. So many times I think about just walking away from the whole mess, even if it means leaving my children behind. I am not strong enough to go through this for another 11 years. I love my children more than anything, despite how it sounds, but between his behavior and the behavior of our 10-year old (violent, aggressive, defiant), I feel like a complete and utter failure. My beloved cousin that I grew up with committed suicide several months back, leaving behind a child. While I'm not saying I'm suicidal, there are so many times that I wonder, is this how she felt? I don't have a strong family support system, my husband can sometimes be distant and doesn't understand how much it hurts me to be going through this. He thinks I should just shake it off. Sometimes, the only thing I think I can do right is my job, which involves waiting on people all day long.
What do I do to keep from cracking? I don't want to leave my kids, but their father has me at the end of my rope!
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It sounds like you have adapted to your ex-husbands behavior and you have given in to his pouts and temper tantrums. I think from what I would do is, try to find other tactics that would blow him away. Such as, like your new husband say's. "Blow it off!". Well, not so easy but he is right. You have to find a way to change the way you deal with him. Find a new solution on how to. I am not quite sure what that would be not knowing exactly what he does but think about it and try to find solutions on the change. Your son (10 year old) is acting out to his fathers behavior. Maybe, having him talk to other kid's in a group session type of deal, would help him get out his emotions. Your other son is probably going through growing pains, I would just keep on top of him and to what he is doing and watch his actions closely. Then if you think he is using, you will surely now. Talk to him though and ask right up front if he is thinking of using, then you can go from there. It sounds like your husband is distant because he might feel like he is on the side line of all of your ex's demands. He probably needs more attention from you. Good luck to you.
We will be here as much as we can, but I think you also need someone you can talk to personally.