I was kicked out and have had to fend for myself for the most part since an early teen. I have had to deal with alot in my short life so far. I still graduated high school with the rest of my class and currently work in Law Enforcement as a felony PO. I was with my high school sweet heart for 8 years. We moved in together and then I got pregnant. I ended up having a miscarriage and within 2 months he had left me for someone else. During the same time my best friend found out she was pregnant. I have been doing what I can to help her with being pregnant...But as my due date comes nearer I am having a really hard time dragging myself out of bed. I have even called in sick to work because I did not want to face anyone. Everyday I have to deal with my offenders coming to me telling me they are pregnant. Most of the time but not all it is someone who is still using drugs and not caring for the 3 other kids they have! I really have to struggle to keep composure at work and to not break down. Is it normal to be angry at God for taking away my baby? What did I do? How is this fair!!! When do I get to be happy and when does the shit stop rolling right over the top of me? I don't have family in my life and my friends seem to be those fair weather friends. Now I can't seem to let anyone in because everyone ends up hurting me. My boyfriend..I mean ex was the only one that I let get that close. How do I overcome without relying on chemicals. Not that legal substances are not a problem..I will resort to that if I cannot get over this hump I have been struggling with. It seems to get worse daily. I can't help but think that he left me because I am damaged goods or defective. I know I won't do anything but I have been having dreams about hurting myself and how to go about making sure it sticks. Like I said though I know I won't do anything but it still scares me! How am I going to make it through my due date?
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