So I seem to be getting bad again. Though to be fair I have only been un-destroy myself for a month or so. I drink every night and do smoke up. I feel betterish when I am tipsy but I`ve noticed that I cannot seem to connect with my surroundings or loved ones. I feel like I have ruined everything, that I am boring, that my boyfriend thinks I suck, that I will never feel right again, and that there is actually nothing to me as a person. I know this isnt true but all I can do is summon negative things when I try to reason my way out of it. I look at my fiance and think he is unhelpful and mean to me and doesnt care and thinks I am a loser. This is probably not true, in fact I see the things he does for me and know he has been supportive but I cant shake the feeling. Do I stop the drinking and drugs? If it is the only releif I get? The only thing that sort of quiets the emptiness? I have been really bad since like June, which I am told is not so bad. I just wish I wasnt depressed. I am so ashamed of it. I hate talking about it. I hate everything about it. Any opinions guys?