I'm alone...I push people away...I'm afraid of being abandoned. I don't get close. I'd do anything for anyone. I don't expect it back. I'm afraid of being left alone so I don't get close. I want to. I'm scared to let people in, I don't think it's fair for me to dump my problems on others because if I eventually manage to open up that much I just want to pour everything out to them...every time we talk. I think it's partially because they've paid that much attention to me. Taken some weight off and I can't help my self. I want to get rid of it all. And then when I ask if I'm relying on them too much htey always say no...but I'm afraid that they're more worried about me. I put myself in this catch-22. If I let it out I don't trust them to tell me when enough is enough. If I keep it in I feel like I'm so absolutly alone. It's making me crazy. Both options...god...I just...they both seem so awful. Unacceptable.
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