Im sorry to post this, i dont want to bring anyone else down but im frustrated and im crying and i need support. I went to my appointments today, I start anger management tomorrow and I got into the adult partial program and did my intake today. I am trying sooo fucking hard dammit. But nobdoy sees that. the one time in days that I sort of get an attitude with ben he flips out. Saying im all a front and im lying that im getting better, but cant i be angry sometiems? anger is normal I thought, why cant he see that. He threatened to leave me again and I cant take that. I just want him to love me, and im trying so hard to get better. Im doing everything everyone is telling me to do, honeslty I am . I am working so hard on it, and even when I have bad thoughts I get over them quickly using the tools that I have to deal with stress. I cant take it anymore. GOD I just cant do it . The more I try the more it looks like im not trying. What do i have to do to prove myself. All I want is for people to love and support me, is that so wrong? I have a illness, I am depressed. I have taken all the proper ways to get help, I really thought I was doing okay. Now I feel like I have keep silent even when he does something that should make me mad, like today accusing me of talking to someone else on the phone when I was really talking to my mom because I was proud that I actually went to the appointments and im going through with it all and im getting the help the hospital told me to get. I just want someone to love me for who I am . How much more could a person take before breaking down? Im so ready to give up, i cant try any harder and its not good enough so what else is there to do? I know my answer and i know thats wrong, but I cant help but think about it .
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