I will keep bumping this because it's important

I do know this; I exist. the rest? I don't know.

So Nad., what makes you YOU?

I think you have raised an important topic. I hope you don't think my reply was trite in any way. I am currently in limbo. I have little, if any motivation to achieve anything. I do know that I exist. Does that make sense?

That's a really good question. I'm going to say 50% and that's after much soul searching and giving myself permission to be me.

It's not easy, but the greatest thing about growing older is that every year I feel I have less and less need to please others, and a bigger need to please myself. Hope that makes sense. :-) Hugs!

You make a lot of sense. Sometimes I can, I will and I am. Then I crash. I want the meds you take.lol. On a serious note..I set out with the best of intentions and I will fly high for awhile. With one big sweep it slips away.

Ok - - faith in myself only goes so far - - there are external forces at work all the time. I can think I am wonderful - but when a bad person is working agains me - I often lose no matter how positive I try to focus things

actually, the should, must and could often comes from what was expectd from your parents/carers. You then adopt it as your own thoughts when it wasn't in the first place. So, who are YOU?

What do you mean it wasn't yours if the first place? sounds like a nature vs nuture argument. How could anyone own person survive past cargivers influence? Everyone has to pass through those waters

IF only, but, should of, would of, could of, and use to--- seem to start the phrases of most people I knew that had serious problems in life.

Ever notice a gambler, lose a fortune and say,

"IF ONLY--- I'd of bet the 2 instead of the 5.

Or,

I WOULD HAVE won, BUT....the horse came in last.

or other self defeating talk:

I COULD HAVE----- an astronaut but I changed my mind at the last minute and didn't go to school.

I SHOULD HAVE been an astronaut but my parents would not pay for my education.

In depression our mind tends to think negatively. Just like the alcoholic having to learn to leave the drink alone, we need to learn how to think positively and leave the negative alone.

It is hard to attempt to change the way we think, but in changing our thinking, we change the way we act and interact with others as an extra bonus.

Start to notice your thoughts, are they filled with I can't, I should have, would have, but, and if only's.

It may not cure your depression but it will make life easier for you.

mud honey, am reading a book, this moment of that subject, but have lived with this thought for years, I use to tend bar, almost all patrons talked negatively, knew and was married to a gambler, gee, I hated to even hear "If Only, but...."
I use to drive him crazy with, IF only, shouldof, wouldof, could of, biggest words in the language. When I was in school, I learned there is actually a theory out there that attest to this.

The book I am reading is 10 Secrets for Sucess and Inner Peace. by Dr, Wayne Dyer

It is a book I gave my daughter on her first mother's day.


I think I'll just make a post of the secrects though.

Are you asking us to look at the way we define ourselves? The way to define ourselves is not through other people's nor society's eyes. And when we define ourselves by our illnesses what do we have left when we get better, oh yes I believe in getting better on certain levels. Or are you asking us not to define ourselves at all? This is not clear to me by your post. Interesting thread.

Mud.. , in answer to your question, not much. There's a lot missing to the me, that most ppl see. As to whether or not I ask "if only", can't help but ask hon. Hope yo find those answers one day.

I can beat this. With your help.

Hi guys, sorry about the belated reply.
I'm really thinking about the messages we give ourselves. For example; when I go rock climbing, if I think 'I won't make this climb', I usually won't. If however my mind set is positive, i will think, 'Hmm, I'm going to climb this' and I usually do. Apply this to life and it's often the same result, 'Can's come in can's, not in cannot's'. then you get into the nature/nuture thing that Anna mentioned. How much is You and how much is 'learned'? The thing is, at the end of the day I still believe that if you give yourself small targets and positve messages, you CAN move forward, even if just for a moment, but you can build on it.