I'm on meds,celexa...it helps sometimes.I can't be happy,I can't smile,if i do it feels so faulse.The celexa deals with the mild bouts of depression but when Iv'e gone right under,like now it does zero.At the moment I hate myself,the way I look,the way I feel,my job,everything sucks.I want sooooo badly to harm myself.Anything to stop the pain and me drowning in it.All I want to do is sleep all the time and either eat lots or nothing.I wake up crying in the mornings,my days feel like a reapted blur and I feel physically sick by it,like im weak and want to throw up.I can't see the good in anything,im wondering why the hell am I still alive?I feel so far away from people even my close friends.Happy happy people make me very angry and I feel extreamly irritated and off the wall like i wanna explode.My emotions and thoughts aren't stable,last night I was laughing and feeling very happy then crying and upset.My nurse thinks i may have bipolar,so it's either a depressed or mixed episode.
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