Today I went to Walmart (we all know what a joyous outing THAT is :-|) and while I was in the store, nothing really happened to trigger what I did when I got in my car....which was to scream at the top of my lungs. This is not an isolated instance I do this fairly regularly. Me, have an anger problem? Problem is, I stuff it, or I don't let anyone else know I'm angry because what I'm angry AT usually is met with "you should NEVER feel that way!!!" Please. Anyway.....what I did next still has me shaking. To make a long story short.....I stopped at a green light.....and hit the gas when the light turned red!! WTF???? No, I was not talking on my cell.....I don't do that. I've been driving for nearly 30 years and while my record isn't angelic, I don't recall EVER doing something that ridiculous!!! Nobody honked their horn at me...there were no cops around (I almost wish there had been!) I didn't see anyone flip me the bird or anything.....but it was a busy intersection and I could have hit someone!!! Needless to say the rest of the drive home was interminable....I had one more stop to make and I was so scared. I also don't know if there were cameras....again I'm almost wishing there were.....I feel like I need to pay for that mistake somehow.....though I'm not prepared to turn myself in :-P No, I don't want to SI, don't want to die...none of that.....but I'm now scared to death to get behind the wheel. I have a bad enough problem with being averse to going out at all.....but I have a job that I grit my teeth and drive to everyday. Okay I'm rambling here...not sure what I'm looking for, just needed to get this out. Actually I feel a BIT better for having done so, but I don't think the fear and shame will go away for a while. Maybe that's a good thing.........
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