go on keeping a smile on my face when all i want to do is die. i can see myself drowning, i can smell the water, i can feel it on my face. i dream about it. its in my mind when i am talking to people. its never ending.perhaps it meant to be. i swallow razors every day in the hope that they will cut me up and i will die in the hope that they will think it was natural causes. then those that care wont have to deal with the fact that i killed myself. the razors so far dont seem to be working, however, it only takes one to get stuck and cut me enough. i know i am a coward. i should just do it properly and be done with it. but i have tried so many times that i cant have another 'incident'. why cant i just sleep away. why am i me. i hate me.
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