Hi There I am new in this group. I am 35 years old married for 2 years and in a relation with the love of my life and my husband for 5 years. Last July I cheated on my husband. We had difficult years, once I've suffered from a clinical depression. I was not always the nicest, energetic and positive person I was when my husband met me. I made bad decisions along the years, I was crying, depressive and unhappy and we had to fight for us a lot. However, we're in love, waiting and working for things to improve with me, I went to a doctor for one year and eventually things improved, but last July I betrayed my husband. I had a two night physical affair with D. were I maintained daily communication one week before and one week after the physical affair - 15 Days in total. Immediately after D., I had one night and one morning physical affair with N, where I maintained an emotional affair (by phone messages) for one month and half. From that period, 3 weeks of the emotional affair and the 2 days of physical affair happened with my husband in town (with D. he was out of town). I am very ashamed to write this, but I want to be open as much as possible. I've always sabotage myself and the good things that happen to me, I've waked up with this. When things were going well I've just did this. I am terrible sorry for what I've did and I am constantly telling that to my husband. This is not the end of the story. My husband discovered all the messages and emails exchanged. He is devastated, with a pain I cannot imagine even if I try to put myself in his shoes. For the last 3 weeks he was so angry and disappointed. He decided he wants a full separation for 6 months. He wants to leave home the next 4th October. He said he cannot cope with this situation and hearing me talking about reconstruction its unbearable. After I asked him his forgiveness he said he gives it to me but he doesn't not know if he can live with me and reconstruct with me. He repeated that he does not know if he wants it. He's afraid of me, of what I've done to our small family (we are only the two of us), he said he gave me all he could give and I did something like that, the break up is THE ONLY solution. I don't want that, I just wish he could give me one more opportunity and heal his heart next to me. He said no. He said what he can offer me is a 6 months separation with contact by email once per week and we can meet in March to decide if it is divorce. Now he just wants to go. I don't want to be selfish like I was by having this affairs but I do not want him to go. However, I have to accept his wishes. I explained my depression and all of self sabotaging, but he does not care anymore about it. I am scared about the the break up. How should I cope with this situation? We had several conversations,he his very open in talking throughout things but he does not accept any solution I give instead of break up, he becomes angry and repeats that I do not respect his wants and that he needs to think about himself, after being thinking about me the last years. I hope you can support me, thank you in advance for reading it.
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