I hate things right now. I fell inlove with someone, and they fell in love back, but then they become really sad and wanting to die. So apparently I'm not a good enough reason to live. Apparently she doesn't love me enough to care enough that I love her. So I'm useless. I am nothing. I am worthless if I'm not enough for her. I only want to make her happy. But she won't be and can't be. I try and try. And she is happy at times and I love it. But other times she is so sad I can't make her happy, and it really hurts me. I really just want to take something right now. But I know it would hurt her if I did. So I can't. I can't do anything but rant and sit here with this useless heart and body..
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??