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Bad thoughts (sorry if i affend anyone)

deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel as if im stuck in a rut. My depression and anxiety were brought on by the sudden death of a closed love one and having a daughter. It came really bad in the thoughts that something bad was going to happen to me. I no now that it was in my head but i still get really anxious and depressed about it. I still often think it.

Im not very religious but i do believe that thrers someone up there. Would he/she let me fight the thoughts and then take my life or everything thats good in my life away from me or would he/she let me take my own life months ago when i wanted to. It feels like this is holding me back in my recovery now. Is it really going to be taken from me?, or am i going to see my two daughters grow up?.

Please help if you can.
Sorry for the long post
deleted_user
deleted_user
It'll get better it just takes time, I know how you feel
deleted_user
deleted_user
no crystal ball. i understand anxiety more than i ever wanted to understand it. i think the hard part is letting go and only trying to control those things over which we have control. you cannot see into the future, i assume or you would not be guessing about its outcome so the thinb that you need to do, and it is hard as heck, is let go and let god/fate/inevitability..whatever, do its thing. you can only, really, control you. everything else is someone/somethings problem to deal with. i know its hard and scary but it is what it is.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You will see your daughters grow up. That will keep you hanging on. I have dealt with bipolar type 2 since the birth of my son. He is now 9 years old. It was there in my teens but not full blown until then. I hit very low points and the counselling and meds get me so far. The rest is up to me. When I get too low, so low that my life isnt worth it and I cannot fight any longer for myself...I fight for my kids. Hang in there and stay in treatment. Your kids rely on you to be there and doesnt being a grandparent one day sound great? Graduations and weddings,ect. There are many milestones in life you are going to reach with your girls. Just keep fighting.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i have wanted to give up so much and have tryed but faled i think that there is some one up there some where and i belive that you will see your little ones grow up because they need you so dont give up fight for them they need you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Focus on the positive and that is that you want to see your daughters grow up.

I've got 2 children too and I've felt the life is not for me, but I took that choice away from myself, I know things in my life will get bad again at times but I now know that I will never take my own life because if I did did I would also be taking the life of my childrens mum.

You don't want your children to loose they're mum. Lots of people say "I love my kids, I'd die for them" I say "I love my kids, I live for them". There is strength in admitting you feel weak. Dont forget about your strengths.xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
I love my girls so much. i dont want them to go throught life without a mother like my cousins have had to
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its the things ive got no control over that scares me so sometimes i think if its going to happen soon whats the point in trying to get better
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh my goodness...Im so sorry...we are here for you. You will get better. Are those your girls? They are beautiful honey. And you are here for them. I would love to talk to you if you need me...please feel free to send me a message anytime
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's just a fear sweetie, try not to worry about thingd that have not happened yet, You'll be a good mom
deleted_user
deleted_user
Are you in therapy now? Counselling can help with many fears and will be the most effective treatment for you to live a life with your children.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Nobody knows whats in store for them, what if you stop fighting and live another 50 years, you'll look back with regret, fight on, it's a better life you're aiming towards and it's worth it, think of what you're teaching your girls, they'll be so proud of you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thankyou everyone n yes there my girls the oldest one is 2 and the youngest is 4 and a half months
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