this is my first day on my own since the holidays. i was really looking forward to having the house to myself, but it's almost too much. i've gotten a little work done today, but otherwise i have stewed in my own thoughts, not able to get out of them. i get a feeling from the back of my throat to the pit of my stomach, like an ache, like a shiver. that's the anxiety starting. then my face gets hot. then i start to panic and not focus. so here i am, mind racing. i have to go get the kids soon. my husband will be home. i will have to pretend all is well. i get so tired of it. i get so tired of it all. should i have kept those pills after all? rationally i know that i did the right thing, but the depressed side of me wishes i had them. i know i could find another way. i don't have the energy tho. could use some hugs, encouragement.
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