I'm just finally at the end of my rope. My life has been pretty damn good for years and years and then, in the last 10 months everything has gone so bad and just seems to be pileing on. I had a great job, was engaged,(have some serious health issues but they are what they are)and then, it all just started falling apart. Lost the job because the company chaged directions, lost my fiancee because I was too stupid to open up about how I was feeling. Having a difficult time replacing the job because of the economy and because the old company "black-balled" me within the industry. That is the subject of arbitration but, I have been waiting 4 months for an arbitration decision that was supposed to take 2 weeks. The company canceled my health insurance even though I have certified receipts that payment was made(again part of the arbitration but I have to be able to make it long enough to get the decision) For most this would not be a huge problem but with the pre-existing conditions, I am currently paying for private insurance that will cover nothing I need for the next 12 months. Money is tight and I just feel so horrible every day and every night. I wake up at 3am dreading the eventuality that is morning. I apply for every job I can but am told I an "overqualified" for most but in limbo for those within my field. I end sitting in a library most days, filling out apps. on Careerbuilder, hoping that I can come up with a way out. I am sick of beating my head against a wall. I am sick of beating myself up. I aqm sick of resenting my family and friends for not knowing and for not caring. How do I get out of this? I have thoughts of suicide, but know too many who have done it and have come to the conclusion that I could never do it. I am sad, I am lonely(even with others around) I am sick of living a lie. I am just profoundly sad and heartbroken. What can I do, I no longer can see any light at the end of the tunnel.
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