really frustrated, agitated, all wound up, mind is totally racing, super emotional... yeah, totally about that time of the month but i just wanna fucking get it over with. i've got too much bullshit going on right now to fuck with my already fucked up raging hormones... i just wish i had some kinda outlet here... i mean, could be worse, at least i know there's no way i'm not gonna get my period... so see?? there's my silver lining. at least i know i'm not pregant. i really wish i could cry cause it'd make me feel a million times better, but if it hasn't happened yet, its not gonna. my lil bro just walked on, offered to smoke me down "you look like shit. wanna smoke a blunt?" declined, i usually don't smoke so much anymore and thats all i did today, just made me lazy... please no replies on hot pot is making it worse cause its not, its just pot. please save that whole story. added to that, i was up till four in the morning writing a report (yeah, kinda dickin around on here, drinkin too, and yes, i know that the alcoholism is making it worse, you can critisize me for that) up at 7:30 for school, get there and that damn paper wasn't even due till wed. at least its done, but shit... argh!!!!! i wanna break something or SOMETHING... need a good fucking cuddle but thats a WHOLE nother story that i'm not even gonna begin to ramble about... really wanna go out but its monday night, my girl drinking buddy has class early tomorrow, my boy is working till 3am and i'm not gonna be so low to go to the bar by myself... and, yeah... so, yeah... i'm just gonna sit here and drink alone. good enough for me. i'm just so... don't even really know how to describe it... not a happy fucking camper lately.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??