My depression started in 7th grade (grad. hs 06) and throught out that, I was on several different doseages of Wellbutrin. Everything seemed to neutral. I could function in school, but I would get moments where I'd feel really down. When I noticed that, I told my dr. and he's added Lexapro(caused bad headpain.so discontinued), then he put me on Zoloft. It was a small dose, then Zoloft got to be 300-350mg, and I was already, and still am on 450mg of Wellbutrin. The Z was wearing off, so I got Effexor, it'sat 75mg now, but I feel down more often. I don't feel like myself at all. I feel like I don't have specific emotions...even though I'm overly sensitive. I feel really "selfish" like I don't give a damn about how anyone else feels because I'm hating my life right now. BUT, at the same time, I try to help and be there for my friends in any way I can--hypocracy! It doesn't make sense. Now I feel like medication is messing with my head in a bad way. Like a zombie? Straight-faced, and emotionless a lot during times I should be showing something. At X-mas, I didn't care at all about seeing my family at all. AT ALL. But at the same time, I tell people to spend as much time with their grandparents because they can be gone in a second! Mine were. I don't make sense to myself. My answer to a question is always "Yes and No" what is up with that? Am I going insane? Sometimes I feel like I am, like I really truly am. Rambling is another thing, as you can see. I miss me. I miss the happy-go-lucky girl I once was. I hate the anxiety I deal with...EXTREME, might I add, so I feel condemned not only in my room/ house, but also my mind. I'm trapped, and I just cannot seem to get out. Anyone else know what I'm saying at all? I feel like it may not just be depression, but maybe I am literally psychotic. Scary thought, but help! I would like nothing more than to love life again and be happy and energetic...that would be the best thing ever!
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