Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm an extroverted, social, what I'd like to think is a reasonably normal person.
But when I dig below the surface of who I am, I'm just not sure. I moved around a lot as a kid -- always being the "new kid" made it tough to make new friends. One of my earliest memories was of one of my brothers playing with me, and the timer on the stove going off -- my brother immediately perked up and said something like "Great, I don't have to play with you any more." This was pre-Kindergarten, so, what, I was around 5 years old? I think my problems with my self-esteem started there. As I mentioned, I moved around a lot as a kid. It is tough starting Kindregarten as the new kid. Then I moved again after 3rd grade. And again in the middle of 7th grade.
Has anyone else experienced this? How have you dealt with it? I'm now in my mid-40's and, despite the fact that I love my parents, I often find myself wondering what will happen once they pass (i.e die). Part of me thinks this will be liberating, because I feel compelled to be the dutiful son until that happens. Okay, let me put this honestly -- once they're gone I think I will free to liquidate all of my assets, travel the world for however long my money lasts, and then end it all. No strings attached. No one will miss me. In other words, see the world and then pass on to the next one (if that is even allowed -- depending on which religion you choose to beleive).
I don't know. Should life be this challenging? I'm just tired of people cycling through, and yet waking up each day pretty much alone, and tired of making the effort to change that 40+ year trend.
Does anyone else think this way?
But when I dig below the surface of who I am, I'm just not sure. I moved around a lot as a kid -- always being the "new kid" made it tough to make new friends. One of my earliest memories was of one of my brothers playing with me, and the timer on the stove going off -- my brother immediately perked up and said something like "Great, I don't have to play with you any more." This was pre-Kindergarten, so, what, I was around 5 years old? I think my problems with my self-esteem started there. As I mentioned, I moved around a lot as a kid. It is tough starting Kindregarten as the new kid. Then I moved again after 3rd grade. And again in the middle of 7th grade.
Has anyone else experienced this? How have you dealt with it? I'm now in my mid-40's and, despite the fact that I love my parents, I often find myself wondering what will happen once they pass (i.e die). Part of me thinks this will be liberating, because I feel compelled to be the dutiful son until that happens. Okay, let me put this honestly -- once they're gone I think I will free to liquidate all of my assets, travel the world for however long my money lasts, and then end it all. No strings attached. No one will miss me. In other words, see the world and then pass on to the next one (if that is even allowed -- depending on which religion you choose to beleive).
I don't know. Should life be this challenging? I'm just tired of people cycling through, and yet waking up each day pretty much alone, and tired of making the effort to change that 40+ year trend.
Does anyone else think this way?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
But...
You say that you're an extroverted person...and even if you're not, I'm sure there are people besides your parents who would miss you. You need to keep your eyes open..look at people.
Wouldn't it be even better to share your pan-global voyage with a friend? And after your travels, settle down somewhere nice?
Things don't have to end...
In my case, since I'm younger I wanted to join the military in the most dangerous position available...and after that the Foreign Legion. I was (and kinda still am) in the midst of an existential crisis. I wanted to almost ensure my death...
I was sick of the same thing. It felt like every person's life is the same. The same stuff when I wake up, same stuff when I go to bed, same stuff on the weekends, same same same. It was driving me insane. I wanted to change...it didn't matter what, but it needed to be something dynamic and dangerous. Something to escape the constant banality of my life.
This really isn't the way to go though....
Fulminata is the only one to make a stab at relating to my particular feelings.
So, no, Bellastina, I don't think I'm overthinking everything (or "everthing" in your vernacular -- thanks for proofreading your response -- appreciate that, really, I do).
Dizzycow, thanks for the superficial categorization. That helps. Really it does.
On the other hand, perhaps each of you are true Svengalis. The way to make this guy not depressed is to put him on the offensive by making pat, self-motiveated responses. Hey. It worked. Thanks for the therapy!
Of course, rather than getting responses based on my original message, I'm predicting that I will not get repremanded for calling out people who were "just trying to help."
Perfect. Exactly what I needed. Two respondeed insulting my intelligence and motivation, followed by (I predict) repremands. I love it.
It sounds like you are struggling with conflicting emotions a bit. You can always try to seek help, which may just be perfect. You can get a therapist and together you two can get everything that you have held inside out and see an easier life in the future.
As far as your parents, you need to live your life! Yes, you can be greatful for all they have done, but you also need to be able to do your own thing, too. If you want to travel, do it now! It would also be a nice escape from all the pains of life right now (trust me, my husband and I travel a lot when things just get too stressful, and it does help A LOT!).
I am sorry you got some answers on here that were a bit short of helpful, to say the least. Some people say things that seem ok to them, but to others are really not.
Also, please don't feel that this place is bad...there are some on here who are really good people who want to support others. Sometimes all you need is someone to say "Yeah, I know." and it makes all the difference.
My advice would be to take a break from everything, go on a mini vacation, and once renewed, focus on YOU! It is your life and you need to live it to make you happy now! Hope this has helped!